Just what I am feeling

Well. Right now im feeling pretty crappy. I haven't seen my boyfriend since Sunday and i was really looking forward to seeing him today but he decided to go to a bar an hour away from here instead. This hurt me pretty bad. This made me realize, I dont really know how i feel anymore. Im miserable 99% of the time anymore and i never truly understood why. Everyone keeps asking me if im alright. I just dont know what to tell them anymore. I mean i love him, dont get me wrong. But I just dont know if im happy anymore and it kills me to say that. I dont know what is making me feel this way. Maybe its because I worry. I worry that we will never be able to get married. We will never be able to have kids. We will never be able to afford a house. He cant save money for the life of him. I try so hard, but I cant do it alone. Maybe thats why im feeling this way right now. I mean everyone I know is having babies, moving out on their own. Getting engaged. Im getting nothing. Im stuck at home with my mom my dad my gram and my dog. I really shouldnt be saying this because I know tomorrow or the next day im going to kick myself for all of it. But its just how im feeling at the moment and i need to get it all out.

I have almost all my christmas shopping done. I still have a few things to get. My best friend and I are going out shopping sometime next week and I couldnt be anymore excited than I am. I love spending time with him. hes wonderful and he always knows how to cheer me up when im upset, and he always knows just what to say when im in a mood like this. I just wish i could talk to him right now.

well, im gonna go find something to do for 3 more hours till steve comes home from the bar and calls me. I should probably be studying for my last final...but right now thats the last thing on my mind. which is bad. I'll try to write a more chipper entry soon. but right now im just not feeling it. Not like anyone is really reading this anyway.

until we meet again
~*Diddy*~

Under construction

Well, Ive done it. I've created yet another new blog site in my attempts to pull away from myspace. Not like it will work, but I'm giving it a shot. I also post various entries on my best friend's blog which you can access here.

On this site, I'm pretty much just going to be blunt about everything that is going on in my life or how I am feeling when I post. If im having a crappy day, chances are you'll get a rant. I'm pretty good at that. If I dont have alot to say, you'll probably just get random thoughts. Or if something big or exciting happens, you'll read about my excitement here. I spend way to much time on myspace and I need your help to get away from it. So please comment and let me know you read. Please and thank you muchly.

So here I go, onward with the new site. I've been pretty stressed lately. Everything at school is going on at once. Finals week is next week and im not exactly pumped for it at all. I always stress out in the end because everything is due at the same time. Not exactly my idea of a swell time. Anyway, im hardly getting any hours at work either, which isnt going to allow me to buy christmas gifts which doesn't make me happy either. Christmas is my favorite holiday and not being able to buy gifts for everyone I want to is going to kill me.

Another thing I would love to rant about is the drama at home. For those of you that don't know, here is the situation. To make a long story short, Mom and Dad are divoriced. Mom had a bad relationship, dad took pitty, so mom is living with us. So is gram. Gram doesnt like mom. Mom and gram bicker. not a fun time. Anyway now that you are filled in it sucks. Alot of you are probably thinking, why are you complaining atleast your parents are living with you in the same house. Well its not all its cracked up to be. There is tension every where and I share a room with my mom. Im 20 years old...I have no privacy. EVER!! It's not fair and every day I wish more that I could move out on my own. But making what I make, I cant afford it. Im just so tired of it. I wish things would just go back to how they used to be before she came to live with us.

Alright, so my first post was a rant. sorry. But i will write soon. Bare with me. The site is under construction im still learning how to use it. Please leave me feedback :)

Until we meet again
~*Diddy*~