Just what I am feeling

Well. Right now im feeling pretty crappy. I haven't seen my boyfriend since Sunday and i was really looking forward to seeing him today but he decided to go to a bar an hour away from here instead. This hurt me pretty bad. This made me realize, I dont really know how i feel anymore. Im miserable 99% of the time anymore and i never truly understood why. Everyone keeps asking me if im alright. I just dont know what to tell them anymore. I mean i love him, dont get me wrong. But I just dont know if im happy anymore and it kills me to say that. I dont know what is making me feel this way. Maybe its because I worry. I worry that we will never be able to get married. We will never be able to have kids. We will never be able to afford a house. He cant save money for the life of him. I try so hard, but I cant do it alone. Maybe thats why im feeling this way right now. I mean everyone I know is having babies, moving out on their own. Getting engaged. Im getting nothing. Im stuck at home with my mom my dad my gram and my dog. I really shouldnt be saying this because I know tomorrow or the next day im going to kick myself for all of it. But its just how im feeling at the moment and i need to get it all out.

I have almost all my christmas shopping done. I still have a few things to get. My best friend and I are going out shopping sometime next week and I couldnt be anymore excited than I am. I love spending time with him. hes wonderful and he always knows how to cheer me up when im upset, and he always knows just what to say when im in a mood like this. I just wish i could talk to him right now.

well, im gonna go find something to do for 3 more hours till steve comes home from the bar and calls me. I should probably be studying for my last final...but right now thats the last thing on my mind. which is bad. I'll try to write a more chipper entry soon. but right now im just not feeling it. Not like anyone is really reading this anyway.

until we meet again
~*Diddy*~