wow. long time no blog

Well Here I am...blogging in the new year. for the first time. and its been here for almost a month. Im sorry im such a slacker. But I havent really been in the blogging mood...nor have I had the time.

not a whole lot is new really. A group of us went to Dave and Dianna's wedding. That was an absolute blast. I love my friends to death, and I wouldnt trade them for the world. I really needed that weekend away to clear my head of all the pain in the ass shit going on at home.

Steve and I are doing better than my last entry. Like I said, I regretted everything I wrote the next day. What can I say i love the boy. Even though we have our rough times sometimes, I still love him with all my heart. What doesnt hurt our relationship will only make us stronger. He is pretty much the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldnt give up one moment with him if my life depended on it. Not one.

Ive started school back up. My last semester. THANK GOD! I have some shitty classes this semester like literature and health and wellness. Just what I need, a class that is going to tell me how unhealthy and fat I am, while im sitting on my ass reading literature written in old english not doing a damn thing about being unhealthy and fat. lol. But the good thing is, the teachers are pretty damn cool. which is a huge plus. My computer classes seem pretty cool. Im learning XML. Its different. And my small business class is just as bad as marketing was last semester. but what ever. just 14 weeks to go and im done.

I found out today I got Great team hero for the month of february at work. Which in everyone elses terms its like employee of the month. Im pretty excited about it. I never thought they would pick me. But I think i have my best friend Mitchell and Theresa to thank for that one because they mentioned me and how well ive been doing. Thanks guys. You rock...HARDCORE

well here it is 2:30am and im still awake. I think its time to close for the evening cuz I work all day tomorrow. I'll post soon.

Until we meet again....
remember its the little things that mean the most.

~*Diddy*~

Just what I am feeling

Well. Right now im feeling pretty crappy. I haven't seen my boyfriend since Sunday and i was really looking forward to seeing him today but he decided to go to a bar an hour away from here instead. This hurt me pretty bad. This made me realize, I dont really know how i feel anymore. Im miserable 99% of the time anymore and i never truly understood why. Everyone keeps asking me if im alright. I just dont know what to tell them anymore. I mean i love him, dont get me wrong. But I just dont know if im happy anymore and it kills me to say that. I dont know what is making me feel this way. Maybe its because I worry. I worry that we will never be able to get married. We will never be able to have kids. We will never be able to afford a house. He cant save money for the life of him. I try so hard, but I cant do it alone. Maybe thats why im feeling this way right now. I mean everyone I know is having babies, moving out on their own. Getting engaged. Im getting nothing. Im stuck at home with my mom my dad my gram and my dog. I really shouldnt be saying this because I know tomorrow or the next day im going to kick myself for all of it. But its just how im feeling at the moment and i need to get it all out.

I have almost all my christmas shopping done. I still have a few things to get. My best friend and I are going out shopping sometime next week and I couldnt be anymore excited than I am. I love spending time with him. hes wonderful and he always knows how to cheer me up when im upset, and he always knows just what to say when im in a mood like this. I just wish i could talk to him right now.

well, im gonna go find something to do for 3 more hours till steve comes home from the bar and calls me. I should probably be studying for my last final...but right now thats the last thing on my mind. which is bad. I'll try to write a more chipper entry soon. but right now im just not feeling it. Not like anyone is really reading this anyway.

until we meet again
~*Diddy*~

Under construction

Well, Ive done it. I've created yet another new blog site in my attempts to pull away from myspace. Not like it will work, but I'm giving it a shot. I also post various entries on my best friend's blog which you can access here.

On this site, I'm pretty much just going to be blunt about everything that is going on in my life or how I am feeling when I post. If im having a crappy day, chances are you'll get a rant. I'm pretty good at that. If I dont have alot to say, you'll probably just get random thoughts. Or if something big or exciting happens, you'll read about my excitement here. I spend way to much time on myspace and I need your help to get away from it. So please comment and let me know you read. Please and thank you muchly.

So here I go, onward with the new site. I've been pretty stressed lately. Everything at school is going on at once. Finals week is next week and im not exactly pumped for it at all. I always stress out in the end because everything is due at the same time. Not exactly my idea of a swell time. Anyway, im hardly getting any hours at work either, which isnt going to allow me to buy christmas gifts which doesn't make me happy either. Christmas is my favorite holiday and not being able to buy gifts for everyone I want to is going to kill me.

Another thing I would love to rant about is the drama at home. For those of you that don't know, here is the situation. To make a long story short, Mom and Dad are divoriced. Mom had a bad relationship, dad took pitty, so mom is living with us. So is gram. Gram doesnt like mom. Mom and gram bicker. not a fun time. Anyway now that you are filled in it sucks. Alot of you are probably thinking, why are you complaining atleast your parents are living with you in the same house. Well its not all its cracked up to be. There is tension every where and I share a room with my mom. Im 20 years old...I have no privacy. EVER!! It's not fair and every day I wish more that I could move out on my own. But making what I make, I cant afford it. Im just so tired of it. I wish things would just go back to how they used to be before she came to live with us.

Alright, so my first post was a rant. sorry. But i will write soon. Bare with me. The site is under construction im still learning how to use it. Please leave me feedback :)

Until we meet again
~*Diddy*~